Q&A: How can I handle this awkward and frustrating situation? Or should I not say anything?

Question by Tawny: How can I handle this awkward and frustrating situation? Or should I not say anything?
My real life Everybody Likes Raymond:

Im 24 and my husband is 29, we have been married for 4 years and collectively for 6. We have been going through some hard times financially over the last few years and his mother has helped us out a lot while we were unemployed. Recently we lost our household and she let us go into the manufactured home thats on her property, about a acre behind her household on the agreement that we would initiation paying rent when I found work. I just got a job this last week and my husband is working now too and we are starting to dig our way out of this hole. The problem is, is that my mother-in-law can be a bit over bearing, for lack of better terms.

I feel as even if I am not a wife, more like we are two young children with our mamma living next door. She makes my husband lunch before work everyday, she texts him from sun up to sun down asking him questions literally non-stop, questions that the wife should be asking; “What time are you waking up for work in the morning?” “I want you to be up BY 6:30, Im gonna call you or come by AT 6:30 to make sure your up.” “What are you having for breakfast? Thats not healthy, I’ll make you this.” “You need to talk to your boss about this today.” “What time are you getting off work?” “Where are you going after work, each house specifically and exactly what your doing there?” “What is she making you for dinner?” “What time are you going to bed?” “You need to go to bed BY this time!” “You NEED to be (wherever we are going) at this time!” “You can’t do this,” and so many more invasive questions and demands. Not to mention the money stuff. She goes onto our bank account, although sometimes it is to transfer 20$ , but it opens up to control over our entire financial situation; “You can’t buy that you only have this much money left!” “You need to pay this bill RIGHT NOW! drop everything and call them” “Why did you buy that? You can’t afford that, take it back!” “We need to talk about your budget!” and so much more.

He is constantly messaging her responding to her constant questions and demands and it drives me crazy. I caution him to caution her and stand up to her because he will complain non-stop to me about how crazy shes acting but then he will just answer “Yea” and other fleeting responses so he “doesn’t have to deal with it” or just says he will talk to her about it, and doesn’t. I know she does aid us out by letting us stay in the rental household but I feel its going overboard, beyond financial stuff, for instance, if either one of us say anything on our facebooks, we immediatly make a copy asking about it and questioning it, texting me and my husband, mainly him non-stop all day long everyday, asking about every single thing, where we are going, who we are going with, when we will be back, telling us how much money we can spend. We can’t do anything or go anywhere, and we haven’t made one lofty choice in our married lives without asking mom.

I really do like her to death and I consider her my mother but I am starting to feel a resentment towards her, and towards my husband for not talking to her about it, and I don’t want that to happen. I feel as even if Im not being able to grow as a young wife because of this, and its driving me insane, but I also feel like I dont have a house to say anything because she has helped us out before and she is letting us stay here till we make on our feet. Seeing as I just got this job this week it will be a while before we can save enough to make on our own, although I have a feeling that won’t make much of a difference. I don’t know how to bring it up to her myself without making things awkward or offending her too much. I dont want her to completely back off I just want to feel like the wife and her to feel like the mother-in-law. He has a brother who is a link years older than him who is very successful and married with kids and she is the polar opposite with him, she lets them live there lives and treats his wife as the wife and excellent wishes that aspect of there marraige, and we definetly see the difference in the way she treats us, compaired to him, and it gets frustrating and it bothers us. We call ourselves “the regrets” of the family tree, because thats how it feels at family tree make togethers.

How can I bring this up to her without making things awkward with us living so close or offending her?
Or am I in the incorrect completly? Should I not say anything?

Its a tough situation that I have had to deal with since I met my husband but has grown so much worse since we went behind them and I feel like Im going crazy! Aid!
Didn’t realize it was so long, sorry

Preeminent answer:

Answer by craig b
“Boundaries” by Cloud / Townsend

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